We spent the rest of our time in Zhengzhou (the capital of Leo's province of Henan and the place where we had to stay for about a week) getting to know one another. Zhengzhou is a huge city (by our standards, not by Chinese standards, however) of about 8 million people. It is mostly concrete with very little space to run, jump ,climb, and do all of those things that little boys love to do. We did, however, find a green space about three blocks from our hotel. We walked down there daily to let the boys loose to run. Charlie, of course, brought a ball and was quickly playing with all of the other kids. They were speaking Mandarin to him and he was speaking English to them but I don't think that any of them noticed. Kids are so funny. While Charlie was playing pick up soccer in the park Leo was checking everything out. We were told that he hadn't really spent any time outdoors. I think that most kids in orphanages have access to an outdoor space or park but he didn't. I'm sure it had something to do with his status as "special needs," even though this little man is able to do everything that any other 18 month old can do without any restrictions. So, he and I walked around and I pointed out the flowers, leaves, birds, trees, grass, etc.. and showed him that it was ok to touch and smell and check everything out. I'm sure it was sensory overload for him although he didn't show any signs of being overstimulated. He seemed to love every minute.
The park was pretty funny to us. There was the token crazy lady who had a bike with three baby seats-one in front and a trailer. She had, what appeared to be three babies. They looked so real until you got close and you realized that they were all dolls. She parked her bike under the tree everyday and put her dolls in chairs. If any of the kids got too close she yelled at them and chased them off. I felt right at home with her around-what park in Chicago doesn't have someone like that?? Ha!
Charlie kept asking where the swings and slides were. Unfortunately, this park was just green space-nothing to climb on. The space itself was really beautiful with flowering trees and a nice path around the perimeter. The kids all played with the balls on the grass and we saw the same people there almost everyday. Everyone was really friendly and the parents were all eager to point out the little red head to their kids and have their kids say "hello" to him. The crazy thing about the park was that there were metal poles, about two or three inches wide and sticking about a foot out of the ground all around the park. They were everywhere. So, the kids would be running and all the sudden trip on one of them. It was crazy! I'm not sure what purpose they served actually. You couldn't really see them either until you were really close. I wonder how many accidents those have caused? Thankfully, neither one of my kids hurt themselves on those.
We basically spent our days relaxing and walking around, going to the pool, eating out, and playing in the room when it wasn't too hot (no air conditioning, 4th floor, 70's outside so it was hot in there until evening). We kicked the balls up and down the hallways and played with the bubbles, etc... We were trying to keep the boys on a schedule as far as naps and bedtime went too. And, we were pretty strict with our routines (bath, book, bottle, bed) to try to facilitate attachment and security in our new little adoptee.
I had read all the books on attachment and was ready for anything but Leo really seemed to be doing well. He was eating, playing, and sleeping like a normal toddler. He was making eye contact and snuggling up with us. He seemed to be doing really well. Although I knew that he wasn't fully attached and bonded with us yet, as this is a process that takes time, I could tell that he was headed in the right direction. I didn't have any concerns at that point (and I still don't) which really took a lot of my anxieties away.
We had to stay in Zhengzhou for that week because our paperwork was being process there. The day after we received Leo (March 28) all of the other families had to go back to the government office where we received our kids and sign some paperwork. Leo was the only child from Jiazuo and for some reason there is a rule that kids from this city (of about 3 million people) had to have their paperwork signed in the city. So, Mike, Charlie, Leo, and I had to take a van with a guide up there to get that done. It was about 2 hours away. I was happy to be able to see the city that he had spent the last eighteen months. I really wanted to visit the orphanage but we were told that it wouldn't be possible (some other families in our group had been permitted to make a visit to their child's orphanage). The two hour drive was all farmland until we got to Jiazuo. All the sudden there was a huge city (again by our standards, not theirs. Most Chinese have never heard of this city). We stopped at the government office where we were led upstairs and down a cigarette smoke infested hallway. I had my box of chocolates, the gift I was supposed to bring for the government official who was processing our paperwork. He put some stamps on our adoption certificate and talked to our guide back and forth a little while the four of us sat there. Finally, we were told to pay the fee and sign our paperwork and we were finished.
Before we started the journey back to Zhengzhou we asked if we could stop at the hospital where Leo had been found. It was in this city and I really just wanted to see it. I wanted to sort of feel that connection with his birthmother for some reason. It was a place that I knew she had most likely been. We will never know the reason she gave him up. The fact that he was left wrapped in a blanket and with a bag of clothes with him at the front gate of a hospital tells me that she cared for him enough to want someone to find him. He was sickly at that point of his life and people are always going in and out of the hospital-he would be found and cared for right away. It is so easy for us to think that we would never do something like that. And, maybe it's true. However, we'll never know what the circumstances were. It is most likely that she was from the countryside. The people from the country of this region are amongst the poorest in all of China. We were told that she most likely didn't have insurance. Without insurance she wouldn't be able to take care of the medical needs of what she thought was a very sick baby. There is no "safe haven" law like we have here where you can leave your child at a fire station or hospital. Actually, it is illegal to abandon your children in China. Perhaps this was her second child in this country where there is a strictly enforced "One Child Policy." We will never know. But, it was important for me to see this place where he was found. And, to take pictures and video of it to someday show him. It's part of his journey and I want him to have it. So, we drove down the long, one way street to the hospital. When we got to the gates we saw the exact spot. We took pictures. I stood there and looked around. All around there was farmland. In front of me stood the hospital. I really do feel that she left him there so that he would have a chance. He would have a chance to receive the medical care he needed and the chance for a better life. My heart breaks for her. The sadness she must have felt as she set him down and rode off down that one way road must have been overwhelming. I'm sure she was in a position in which she felt she didn't have any other options. If only she could know that he has been adopted, that his medical needs will be taken care of, and that we will love him and take care of him forever. As we drove down that same road I held Leo in my arms and was thankful for the closure that I felt after seeing that place. My hope is that my son will know that he was loved by his biological mother and feel that same sense of closure someday.
